Six years ago I was asked to write about the positive aspects of raising a child with complex medical issues. This is the article I wrote that was published on an online magazine called Complex Child.
Looking back at this article reminds me of how far John has come. Day to day life can get me wrapped up in rushing, taking on too much and wishing John was doing better medically. I get wrapped up in the future instead of living in the present. I literally give myself anxiety thinking of scenarios that can happen if things were different. Things that probably will never happen consume my thoughts during the day.
Before I seen this on my memories news feed via Facebook I was talking to a friend about how negative my thoughts have been. Re-reading this was a blessing. A reminder telling me to STOP, breathe and smell the flowers right in front of me. Find the gratitude in the life I have today, full of oxygen tanks, bowling, Chuck E Cheese and all beef kosher hot dogs. Find the gratitude in the people around me today. The teacher that never gave up on him, the lunch lady that showed up to his birthday party and the students that sent him cards at the hospital! Be grateful for the party invites even if we can’t go, the friends that call to check in even if I can’t answer and our chosen family.
I cannot Deny Autism, Chronic Lung Disease or Epilepsy. It will always be a part of our lives, but I will not let it control my thoughts!
What a great way to restart my week!
Recently, I have been thinking about going back to school for a degree in Early Education. Since I already have a Bachelors it wouldn’t take too long. I have always wanted to be a teacher. The hours and seasons would work perfect with my seasonal business selling froyo and with John.
Anytime I start thinking about changing careers, making life decisions or anything of that caliber I throw it out into the world. I start talking about it. I truly believe if you put it out there the answers will come. When I mention going back to school to be a teacher most people say, “You could be a Special Ed teacher!!”, like it’s the most exciting thing since sliced pie.
It’s like a mechanic with a crappy car. He goes to work all day and doesn’t want to come home and take care of his car, too. Just because I have a special ed. child doesn’t mean I would make a great special ed. teacher.
I appreciate all the people that have taken on John and didn’t give up. He went through 5 schools before 6th grade. He had some amazing special ed. teachers and one crappy special ed. teacher (She’s a whole other blog post). But, I don’t think I could do it. I get a real high off of watching kids do “normal” or “typical” things like color, eat, talk, play and breathe. It makes me so happy when kids play using their imagination or when they interact with other children. I would love to be the person to facilitate all this normal behavior. I would also love to be the person to mold these “typical” children into kind, smart productive high schoolers.
So this is me putting it out there, again. I am still on the fence. My brain tells me I am crazy for taking on all this extra work, my heart tells me I could make a difference. I let myself think too much about it and the committee in my head can be a tough committee, not always supportive. I find the most real support, whether it’s for or against, from the real woman in my life. They are the most honest! Sometimes they see things in me that I don’t see, good and bad. When they are brought to the forefront I can recognize the good and work on the bad.
Love my amazing tribe of supportive woman!