Anxiety just creeps up on me like a bad wedgy. One minute I’m happily dropping my son off at school next minute I’m running scenarios in my head about the things that COULD happen to him after I leave.
School nurses that show up 2 hours late and seem to think nothing of it are assholes.
My son goes to school with oxygen and a nurse is usually there to keep an eye on things. She needs to make sure the tank is full, that he is breathing ok, that he takes breaks when needed and that his oxygen concentrator battery doesn’t run out.
It’s not that hard.
So when a nurse arrives 2 hours late and manages to let the battery on his oxygen run out during her shift – the main job she has – I get angry. Anger is usually my first emotion. The program teaches me that anger stems from fear or hurt. I have to ask myself why I am angry. I am angry because the nurse isn’t doing her job! Which spirals me into the scenarios of what could happen if John doesn’t have his oxygen.
It’s a vicious cycle that I need to stop myself in the middle of and chant “Let it go, let it go”.
What I do have control over is whether that nurse comes back. I also have control over teaching the aides and teacher what to do if a nurse doesn’t do their job or doesn’t show up.
I have control of how I react to the situation.
Before I got sober I had 2 personalities; confrontational or isolation
Today, I still have multiple personalities but they come from a better place 🙂 I can pause and live in the solution, right after an anxiety attack. I can stop myself from letting the crazy committee in my mind take over and pray, right after the anxiety attack.
I don’t know if I will ever avoid that anxiety but at least I know I can get through it today with a little more grace and dignity then I did in the past.
Now I just need to pray we find a reliable nurse that cares enough to show up on time. And I will continue to be grateful for the amazing staff at his school that support us!