To teach…or not to teach?

Recently, I have been thinking about going back to school for a degree in Early Education. Since I already have a Bachelors it wouldn’t take too long. I have always wanted to be a teacher. The hours and seasons would work perfect with my seasonal business selling froyo and with John.

Anytime I start thinking about changing careers, making life decisions or anything of that caliber I throw it out into the world. I start talking about it. I truly believe if you put it out there the answers will come. When I mention going back to school to be a teacher most people say, “You could be a Special Ed teacher!!”, like it’s the most exciting thing since sliced pie.

Um, NO!

It’s like a mechanic with a crappy car. He goes to work all day and doesn’t want to come home and take care of his car, too. Just because I have a special ed. child doesn’t mean I would make a great special ed. teacher.

I appreciate all the people that have taken on John and didn’t give up. He went through 5 schools before 6th grade. He had some amazing special ed. teachers and one crappy special ed. teacher (She’s a whole other blog post). But, I don’t think I could do it. I get a real high off of watching kids do “normal” or “typical” things like color, eat, talk, play and breathe. It makes me so happy when kids play using their imagination or when they interact with other children. I would love to be the person to facilitate all this normal behavior. I would also love to be the person to mold these “typical” children into kind, smart productive high schoolers.

So this is me putting it out there, again. I am still on the fence. My brain tells me I am crazy for taking on all this extra work, my heart tells me I could make a difference. I let myself think too much about it and the committee in my head can be a tough committee, not always supportive. I find the most real support, whether it’s for or against, from the real woman in my life. They are the most honest! Sometimes they see things in me that I don’t see, good and bad. When they are brought to the forefront I can recognize the good and work on the bad.

Love my amazing tribe of supportive woman!

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Grateful for the chaos

Today, I thought to myself “I don’t think I’ve had my period in a while?” So I checked my handy little memo pad on my phone and the last period was May 8th! Which means I am either due for my period July 8th and just skipped a month or I am going through menopause. I know, you’re sitting there reading this thinking “Girl, you better get a pregnancy test!” But, I refuse to believe that I am pregnant.  I’m too old for that!

In the meantime, I am losing my mind. I walk into a room and forget what I came in for. I start working on my computer and forget what I was starting to do. John is downstairs throwing remote controls around, chanting and suffering through the consequences, so dramatically. The sitter just texted to say she will be here at 12:30pm instead of 10am because she had to pick up her niece. Opps, I guess we aren’t a priority!

Last night, I sent an email to North Park University to inquire about a second Bachelor’s degree in elementary education.  I can’t sell froyo forever, right?! Can I?! I sent this email after working a 12 hour shift two days in a row because I suspended two girls at the shop, one I should have fired but seem to have a soft spot and can’t do it.

Sounds chaotic? That’s not the half of it. But, this is life. I will take this life over the crazy chaos I created on my own 7 years ago. I need to be reminded that even if life gets crazy I have the tools to get through it with grace and dignity. I can do this without screaming, crying or curling up into a ball.

Grateful for progress and not protection, grateful for the ability to restart my day at any time of the day so I can at least try to get it right and grateful for my chaos!

Now, let me go downstairs and go over the schedule with my son for the 15th time this morning, its 10:34am.  The boys excited that mommy is taking the day off tomorrow to go bowling with him. Hopefully, the employees show up for work!