Strategic thinking…

Today is neuter day for Boss, the dog. Poor little guy was so confused this morning. “Why aren’t you feeding me?” He tried to eat the flowers Kevin brought me over the weekend. I had placed them in a vase on our living room corner table. A table that was actually a bedside table for the huge bed and room we had at our last house. We downsized a year ago and life has never been so free of useless crap!!

Anyway, a neuter means a trip to the vet. It’s just Johnny, Mom and Boss. I have been planning my strategy to get out of the house as smoothly as possible since last night. I changed the plan a few times. At the end I did it a completely different way. Which means all that planning, scripting and thinking was a waste of time. Well, that’s how I roll when it comes to thinking.

I put Boss outside so I could prop the front door open without him making a runner. I was just praying John didn’t let him in while I was doing it. He is a slippery one that Boss. With the door propped I can get the push chair, lunch bag and back pack out the door in one pass and into the car. Return, let boss in and get the boys out the door. I have Boss’s leash in one hand and John’s oxygen tank in the other. I use one hand to guide John into the direction of the door while Boss pulls me to the door. It’s a funny scene.

Once at the car I get John in and walk over to get Boss in. He needs to be picked up into the car since I have a high SUV and he’s still too young to jump up. He doesn’t like getting into the car. Probably because the only time he gets in the car is to go to the vet. This trip will definitely be the final straw for him.

On the way into the vet office the strategy is the same but reversed. Johnny and I agreed he was working for 10 water balloons if he behaves in the office. When we arrive to the front door I opened it too soon and caught Boss’s paw. He made a loud dog crying sound at which time John chanted the F word at least 20 times. John does this anytime a dog barks or cries. I waited till John was done chanting before we walked inside. Once inside John was screaming at the dog to get down in a “level 4” voice. Level 2 is normal talking voice, which I encouraged him to use but this seemed useless. I began taking water balloons away, “9 balloons, 8 balloons, 7 balloons…”  With each balloon he decreased his sound level. But, it went right back up as soon as Boss became excited or jumpy. The receptionist at first was a little shocked by the noise but realized john is Autistic. I was so impressed with their acceptance and understanding. The one receptionist immediately put us into a room, hoping it would help John relax a little. In the room he became more anxious and aggravated with Boss’s level of excitement.

Finally, the vet came in to give me the estimate and papers to sign. We were out of there.

At this point, John lost all water balloons so we headed home to wait for bowling at 11am.

On the way out the door of the Vet John said, “Scared”

I asked him “Why were you scared?”

“Dr. Lestrud”

Dr. Lestrud is John’s Pulmonary Doctor. I believe John thought he was going to the doctor for himself.

When we got into the car I sat there for a few minutes trying not to cry. I wanted to cry because the people in the office were so nice. I wanted to cry because John thought he was going to the doctor. I wanted to cry because John didn’t feel safe and I didn’t prepare him for the Vet visit. I wanted to cry because this was just so overwhelming.

I cried because this was what I seen….

John at Vet

You wouldn’t event know how hard the last 15 minutes were by looking at him. He is in the car, safe and content. He knows he is going home where he is safe and happy.

How does a parent prepare their child for the hard world when they can’t get them out into it?

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Shut the front door…

A few post back I talked about how much I yell…

Today, I reached a higher octave. Picture this…

We are on the speaker phone with daddy. Johnny is talking about how he wants water balloons. Daddy is telling him we don’t have any, we will get some Sunday at Costco.

Costco sells these water balloons that are already rubber banded onto a stick that fills 60 balloons with water at a time using a hose. It’s a far cry from the one balloon at a time using the steel water spout out of the side of the house 20 years ago. It only takes seconds to fill 60 balloons now!

When john realized he isn’t getting any balloons at that very moment he gets off the couch, walks towards the back door saying “Son of a Bitch!”

I get up, trip over the dog, mumble “Oh Shit!” and catch myself with the bottom of my stomach dropping out from under me while Kevin is still on speaker phone, laughing.

I missed the opportunity to discipline John for swearing while I sat there on the floor holding my chest from the scare…and swearing.

I finally say Good Bye to my giggling husband and go over to the kitchen to turn the kettle on for a cup of coffee. The kettle sits on my kitchen counter right in front of the window overlooking our deck. The deck has a hammock, a small 10inch deep pool for john’s water balloons and the dog house Kevin built. The hose is hanging over the deck railing ready for some water balloons. Just as I turn the kettle on, John picks up the hose, points it towards the open deck doors and full blast hoses down the inside of our house.

I scream, “Stop, put the hose down!” I can’t get outside without getting whacked in the face full force with “Jet” setting hose action so I stand there screaming, “Put the hose down now John!!!!’.

It took a few screams. When he finally put the hose down he just looked at me and said “Water balloon?”

I barked at him to get in the house. We were literally 5 minutes away from leaving to go on a Chuck E Cheese playdate with his friend Lucy from Special Olympics. I threw some towels on the floor, put the dog in the cage and packed him into the car to leave.

I figured when I get home the water will either evaporate from the heat or I can just pretend this never happened.

I sincerely wonder what my neighbors think of me…

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#Healing

Summer fun is not so fun…

Today is Saturday. I am a business owner on top of a multitude of other titles. On the days I am not going into the shop I always check in with the video cameras to make sure someone showed up for their shift. Today, no one showed up to open the shop. So after getting a text saying she asked someone else to cover her shift but never told me so I could change the schedule, I had to pack up John and head over to the shop to open. This is where I start wondering why I thought I could be a business owner and John’s mom and contemplate closing shop and then slap myself out of it.

John doesn’t like to just get up and go. There is a process, a plan, a schedule that needs to be followed. Today, we were supposed to go to Rosemont at 2:30 for the Special Olympics Ice cream social. Next, home for water balloons. Next, Irish fest. We were not supposed to go to Josi’s at 12:15pm or any time during the day. After throwing his clothes and shoes on, driving to the shop he was pretty pissed.

When we got out of the car he tried throwing his oxygen tank at me. A guy riding his bike passed slowed down to watch. When we started walking to the door he tried pulling the tubing off. An elder man stopped to ask if I needed help. Once we got to the door I knew I needed to literally shove him into the store with tank, lock the door and dart to turn off the alarm. If John heard that alarm our day would be ruined. So that is what I did unannounced to John. John didn’t appreciate the shove but with a shocked look went to sit down at the nearest chair, thank God!!!

Once the alarm was off and doors locked I worked on opening the store while John sat on the chair chanting and screaming at me. “Mom, mom, mom, Get over here right now, I said get over here!” Over and over again. Apparently, I say that to him a lot.

A customer came to the door so I opened warning them that the shop just opened and product isn’t ready for about 5 minutes. I apologized and continued to get the shop ready while John continued chanting his chant. Meanwhile, I was texting everyone trying to get them to come in or friends to watch John, there is no way I can sit here all day with John and tend to customers.

Finally, the newest girl hired said she could make it. Two girls have been suspended and don’t start back till Monday so I didn’t even ask them. One girl was at a baby shower. I fired the girl that didn’t come in. It was the easiest fire ever since she was literally a backup, ironically that couldn’t back us up. I just took her off the schedule and told the team they can no longer use her as a backup. Didn’t even tell her.

When the girl finally showed up I took my phone and sat down next to John at the table he was chanting at. It took all of my strength to not cry. I sat there staring at John, he stared back at me finally saying nothing. I took a deep breath and started chanting to myself “God help me, god help me, god help me”, while holding back tears with my back to the audience at the counter.

Since the last night shift didn’t let me know we were out of strawberries, blueberries, donuts and a bulb was out; it was off to Target.

It had to be Target, because that is the only store John will go to without a fight. I’m just glad all the items I needed were at Target. Mission accomplished, dropped off at the shop and home we go!

On the way home he sat in the back seat the quietest I have ever seen him. So quiet I had to ask if he was ok. His beautiful face just looks over at me with a smile and says “I’m ok mommy, stop asking, I’m ok”.  That his new thing, telling me to stop asking even if I only asked once. Was this the calm before the storm? In my head I am trying to figure out how to keep him this calm….

Cancel Rosemont

Cancel the Irish fest

He’s way off his game.

Home – FINALLY – Kevin comes home early to relieve me so I can go to jewel for dinner, pet store for food and hardware store for a fly swatter! Ahhh…a break for me!

He has his water balloons… all is right with HIS world. Until daddy tell him only 5, not 10. I’m outta here….

I managed not to cry in public, only in my car…

I can’t wait to go to bed….it’s only 4:30pm….

People are texting me asking where we are….no show again.

I’m watching all the other mom-entrepreneurs take their kids to work and be good at it #SmallBizMom…no go here.

#Feeling Sad

#KeepTheFaith

#GoodNightSweetWorld

I tell this story to heal, not for sympathy….I need to heal and others can heal from reading, hopefully. Sharing our experience, our strength and our hope is how we heal. #Healing

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